🪦 Grief
A small collection of poems and writings about death, grief, and loss.
As painful as it is, I crave a loving relationship with my grief. When I push it away, the pain goes away, but I've found that I also go away: I start to become more and more empty and shell-like. I need that grief to fill up space and be felt and known: I don't think I can truly consider myself alive without doing so.
These are some of my attempts.
I send you great warmth and love, for your own losses. For their impossible and crushing weight, which, while impossible, must be borne in order to heal. I want you to know that you are not alone. I'm so sorry that you, too, know loss. ❤️🩹
Soul Fragment
The change of the season.
An old, sweet song from happier times.
A familiar scent.
Oh stars,
I am crying again.
I miss having a family so much.
I miss my mom.
I miss my cats.
I miss A-.
I miss having a healthy body.
The pain is so terrible,
but there is nothing to be done,
nothing at all,
but tohold it as tenderly and warmly
as my wrought-out heart can manage.
Inside of me, the it feels as though someone surgically
took a part of my soul out of me.
It's just... gone. Missing.
And the rest of my soul feels so sad and confused and incomplete --
she knows only that something is very wrong.
It's like her best friend is suddenly gone one day,
and even though that part is gone forever, she can't
stop herself but continuing to search,
high and low,
for that missing piece,
forever and ever.
The pain won't ever go away.
It can't.
Although it may dim and dull somewhat with time,
the search will continue for the rest of my life.
It cannot not.
When we love, we give that person
a part of our soul.
When they die or are lost to us,
they keep that piece with them,
even if it's beyond this world.
That part of our soul we give away,
it remains gone from us forever.
What's more, we don't consciously choose
when & to whom we do this soul-giving:
it happens of its own accord.
This is what it is,
to live in this world.
Can I draw solace then, knowing that
even though they are all gone,
they will continue to hold
that eternally-loving fragment of my soul?
I do not know,
but I hope so.